"... I would be the happiest person alive."**
I was so stunned by that statement that I couldn't come up with the reasons why it was so wrong and cruel, but now I have.
I was hurting over the FACT that I'm not high on his priority list. He'll go out of his way to help strangers but when it comes to me I'm sidelined, and made to feel unimportant.
I know I feel things too deeply and I can't help it, I know I communicate my feelings too often and get silence in return.
... but the one thing that stands out more than anything else was that he would be the happiest person alive if the person he loved more than he could bear made him feel unimportant, neglected, abandoned, lonely, unsupported,
Those are not problems as I perceive them. Problems are complications, issues that need a solution.
My feelings are not problems. Feeling unimportant to the man I've given a year and a half of my life to is not a problem, it's pain. Feeling unsupported by the man I have given myself to in every sense of the word is not a problem, it's rejection. Feeling isolated and unwanted by the one person I need more than anything or anyone is unbearable. Feeling invisible when I cut myself open and try to show all I am, the depth of my feelings and how much I love him is not a problem... It just hurts.
So, these are some of the reasons why that sentence was so cruel...
It trivialized everything I said. It made me ashamed of how deeply I love him. It made me feel ugly and small and unworthy of his time.
It cut deep. It hurt. I was already falling apart and he kicked me in the ribs.
How could anyone who claims to love someone do that to them? How could someone who loves someone make them feel so worthless and then tell them that they're loved?
I hurt pretty much all the time.
**This was a line that was said to me when I found the courage to reach out and say that I was lonely, and, among other things, wished he missed me the way I missed him.
I was so stunned by that statement that I couldn't come up with the reasons why it was so wrong and cruel, but now I have.
I was hurting over the FACT that I'm not high on his priority list. He'll go out of his way to help strangers but when it comes to me I'm sidelined, and made to feel unimportant.
I know I feel things too deeply and I can't help it, I know I communicate my feelings too often and get silence in return.
... but the one thing that stands out more than anything else was that he would be the happiest person alive if the person he loved more than he could bear made him feel unimportant, neglected, abandoned, lonely, unsupported,
Those are not problems as I perceive them. Problems are complications, issues that need a solution.
My feelings are not problems. Feeling unimportant to the man I've given a year and a half of my life to is not a problem, it's pain. Feeling unsupported by the man I have given myself to in every sense of the word is not a problem, it's rejection. Feeling isolated and unwanted by the one person I need more than anything or anyone is unbearable. Feeling invisible when I cut myself open and try to show all I am, the depth of my feelings and how much I love him is not a problem... It just hurts.
So, these are some of the reasons why that sentence was so cruel...
It trivialized everything I said. It made me ashamed of how deeply I love him. It made me feel ugly and small and unworthy of his time.
It cut deep. It hurt. I was already falling apart and he kicked me in the ribs.
How could anyone who claims to love someone do that to them? How could someone who loves someone make them feel so worthless and then tell them that they're loved?
I hurt pretty much all the time.
**This was a line that was said to me when I found the courage to reach out and say that I was lonely, and, among other things, wished he missed me the way I missed him.
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