07/05/2018
And somehow you and I have nothing to talk about which makes me restless.
The more I look at it the more I realise that I try so hard to be happy and smile and make things work, and I just end up getting hurt time and time again. I take the hits silently, I don't complain, I smile through it and pretend everything is ok even when it isn't. What good would it do anyone if I cried and showed how I felt? I'd just get told I have nothing to be upset over and I'd feel worse for showing a vulnerability and being sad when instead you could have been happy.
And now I've become so quiet that the few times when you are online we simply say nothing. But the weight is on my chest and the more the silence continues the more weight I feel.
And the sad part is it's normal to you to talk about nothing, but my whole world is thought and feeling and a crazy sense of wonder and excitement. I am a creature of adventure and the desire to explore... and you have done all the adventuring and exploring already :)
I realise that you'll never want to come with me on a new experience for me if you've done it already. I can see so much of the things we will never do, all of the places we will never go... all of the things you'd do for others but would never even consider doing for me.
I have known it for ages, but thought that maybe I'm wrong. I have had time to think though, evaluate all the data I've gathered, and I know I wasn't wrong.
And you'll say this has come out of the blue, and maybe this time it has...
And somehow you and I have nothing to talk about which makes me restless.
The more I look at it the more I realise that I try so hard to be happy and smile and make things work, and I just end up getting hurt time and time again. I take the hits silently, I don't complain, I smile through it and pretend everything is ok even when it isn't. What good would it do anyone if I cried and showed how I felt? I'd just get told I have nothing to be upset over and I'd feel worse for showing a vulnerability and being sad when instead you could have been happy.
And now I've become so quiet that the few times when you are online we simply say nothing. But the weight is on my chest and the more the silence continues the more weight I feel.
And the sad part is it's normal to you to talk about nothing, but my whole world is thought and feeling and a crazy sense of wonder and excitement. I am a creature of adventure and the desire to explore... and you have done all the adventuring and exploring already :)
I realise that you'll never want to come with me on a new experience for me if you've done it already. I can see so much of the things we will never do, all of the places we will never go... all of the things you'd do for others but would never even consider doing for me.
I have known it for ages, but thought that maybe I'm wrong. I have had time to think though, evaluate all the data I've gathered, and I know I wasn't wrong.
And you'll say this has come out of the blue, and maybe this time it has...
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