03/07/2018
1. Why is it so hard for you to say you miss me in messages, even after I've said it? It hurts when I'm opening up and sharing what I feel, only to be ignored completely.
2. At least have the decency to acknowledge what I'm saying... sometimes you'll act like I said nothing. It makes me feel worthless and invisible, especially if I've said something that is a vulnerability on my part, or something I'm usually shy to admit to. It really crushes me when I open myself up and you can't see it. Like if I say I want you to take me to bed, or if I open up about my sexual needs. Or if I mention anything regarding that. If it goes ignored I feel ashamed for mentioning it.
(I feel like I'm being pushy. All I want is to be with you.)
3. I am afraid it will take you another 5 years before you realise I'm not right for you. You tell me it's exhausting being with me, but it's also draining me. I am exhausted. Taking hit after hit, and you wonder why I am always so nervous and jumpy. It's because I can't handle being hurt anymore. I can't handle having my pride crushed out of me. Your rejection hurts. And it is rejection of my affection and my emotions.
4. I know I'm not a priority. It hurts. I can't take it any more. I love you more than you love me. There is no balance between us. We have grown apart so much that I can't feel anything left. I love you, but it's hurting me too much. I can't feel you. You're so wrapped up in your world that you don't see me or hear me anymore.
5. You don't seem to be able to give me what I need. We are apart most of the time, I need to feel safe. You starve me of emotion, even the most basic and simple of emotions. I need affection. And it's not hard, it doesn't take a second to kiss or whisper I love you. Or to say that you're happy when I'm with you. I need that kind of validation. If it's too much to ask for then what are we doing here?
6. When I'm alone, all I can think of is the feel of your arms around me and the way it feels when you kiss me, properly ... not a small peck on the lips but a real kiss. Its all I want. But when we are together it's cold. All I want is to lose myself in you and feed off your warmth and feel human again. I need you... And you can't give me what I need. You don't need what I need. You don't need me.
7. I can't take much more. I'm all cut up and bleeding, and it means nothing to you. My pain means nothing. And it's pain that's making me act up. I can see myself doing it.
I rant when I am hurting and I want to throw myself into your arms and I want to show you what you're doing to me. But you can't see it.
8. I don't think we are compatible any more. Based on all this, I'm too passionate, I'm needy and affectionate and I need to feel safe. I don't feel safe with you. I'm expecting something new to hurt me at any given moment.
I will continue to spin out of control, and with each new lapse you'll love me less while I hold on to you tighter as I try to find my balance.
This is the exact problem that will see us split. It'll make you leave me while I've dug myself into a hole I can't escape.
Love is madness in my world. It drives me to insanity. And if it's not matched it'll drive me mad with frustration.
9. Being together makes no logical sense.
I am here because I can't leave. I love you too much. I'm afraid it's premature. I should wait to be sure that it's nothing to get better. Our golden days were I the past.
I don't want to look back and think ibdidnt do all I could.
I can't make you happy. You can't give me what I need.
It should end.
1. Why is it so hard for you to say you miss me in messages, even after I've said it? It hurts when I'm opening up and sharing what I feel, only to be ignored completely.
2. At least have the decency to acknowledge what I'm saying... sometimes you'll act like I said nothing. It makes me feel worthless and invisible, especially if I've said something that is a vulnerability on my part, or something I'm usually shy to admit to. It really crushes me when I open myself up and you can't see it. Like if I say I want you to take me to bed, or if I open up about my sexual needs. Or if I mention anything regarding that. If it goes ignored I feel ashamed for mentioning it.
(I feel like I'm being pushy. All I want is to be with you.)
3. I am afraid it will take you another 5 years before you realise I'm not right for you. You tell me it's exhausting being with me, but it's also draining me. I am exhausted. Taking hit after hit, and you wonder why I am always so nervous and jumpy. It's because I can't handle being hurt anymore. I can't handle having my pride crushed out of me. Your rejection hurts. And it is rejection of my affection and my emotions.
4. I know I'm not a priority. It hurts. I can't take it any more. I love you more than you love me. There is no balance between us. We have grown apart so much that I can't feel anything left. I love you, but it's hurting me too much. I can't feel you. You're so wrapped up in your world that you don't see me or hear me anymore.
5. You don't seem to be able to give me what I need. We are apart most of the time, I need to feel safe. You starve me of emotion, even the most basic and simple of emotions. I need affection. And it's not hard, it doesn't take a second to kiss or whisper I love you. Or to say that you're happy when I'm with you. I need that kind of validation. If it's too much to ask for then what are we doing here?
6. When I'm alone, all I can think of is the feel of your arms around me and the way it feels when you kiss me, properly ... not a small peck on the lips but a real kiss. Its all I want. But when we are together it's cold. All I want is to lose myself in you and feed off your warmth and feel human again. I need you... And you can't give me what I need. You don't need what I need. You don't need me.
7. I can't take much more. I'm all cut up and bleeding, and it means nothing to you. My pain means nothing. And it's pain that's making me act up. I can see myself doing it.
I rant when I am hurting and I want to throw myself into your arms and I want to show you what you're doing to me. But you can't see it.
8. I don't think we are compatible any more. Based on all this, I'm too passionate, I'm needy and affectionate and I need to feel safe. I don't feel safe with you. I'm expecting something new to hurt me at any given moment.
I will continue to spin out of control, and with each new lapse you'll love me less while I hold on to you tighter as I try to find my balance.
This is the exact problem that will see us split. It'll make you leave me while I've dug myself into a hole I can't escape.
Love is madness in my world. It drives me to insanity. And if it's not matched it'll drive me mad with frustration.
9. Being together makes no logical sense.
I am here because I can't leave. I love you too much. I'm afraid it's premature. I should wait to be sure that it's nothing to get better. Our golden days were I the past.
I don't want to look back and think ibdidnt do all I could.
I can't make you happy. You can't give me what I need.
It should end.
No comments:
Post a Comment