Home.
That's when I have time to think... And the things I think about are heavy.
The future.
To cut straight to the chase, my religion will murder my heart. Is there a point in staying with a man I most probably can't be with? Am I wasting both our time? Can I possibly bear to leave?
I know I'm strong, but it would break me. It would absolutely destroy me if we broke up.
I love him. It's that simple.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I just want him to be mine, always, and to be able to be proud of it, head high up and challenging the world to say something.
I'd fight.
I love him. But... He might choose to leave me when he eventually realizes that it's not going to be easy... It'll be a fight.
Even now, knowing how much I love him, and how I miss him, and the way I feel when we're not together... I also know that we're very different. The way I became who I am... My narrow life; and all the things I haven't done, all the things I wish I'd had the chance to do. I became who I am through extreme pressure, and even now, parts of me are still unformed and missing.
I love him. But realistically... Can we fulfill each other?
Is it possible for the two of us to merge our combined worlds into something sustainable, and nourishing?
What I've always needed is simply to feel safe. That's all.
"I am afraid of what is inside you. I don't know why I'm afraid.
My heart has always been fragile. There are things I cannot handle.
I tried to toughen up with pride and ego, but both are temporary and vain.
In reality I'm just a woman, frail and weak, and pain, is my constant companion....
In reality I'm only a woman... And I'm afraid you'll destroy me...
I'm afraid I won't have enough time to heal. I'm afraid that I'll end up needing you more than I do already... I'm afraid that you won't be able to love me more than you already do. I'm afraid that you'll realize I'm not enough... That I don't match up.
I'm afraid you'll find someone else while I am here, wanting to be with you. Feeling like you're happy that I'm not. "
That's when I have time to think... And the things I think about are heavy.
The future.
To cut straight to the chase, my religion will murder my heart. Is there a point in staying with a man I most probably can't be with? Am I wasting both our time? Can I possibly bear to leave?
I know I'm strong, but it would break me. It would absolutely destroy me if we broke up.
I love him. It's that simple.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I just want him to be mine, always, and to be able to be proud of it, head high up and challenging the world to say something.
I'd fight.
I love him. But... He might choose to leave me when he eventually realizes that it's not going to be easy... It'll be a fight.
Even now, knowing how much I love him, and how I miss him, and the way I feel when we're not together... I also know that we're very different. The way I became who I am... My narrow life; and all the things I haven't done, all the things I wish I'd had the chance to do. I became who I am through extreme pressure, and even now, parts of me are still unformed and missing.
I love him. But realistically... Can we fulfill each other?
Is it possible for the two of us to merge our combined worlds into something sustainable, and nourishing?
What I've always needed is simply to feel safe. That's all.
"I am afraid of what is inside you. I don't know why I'm afraid.
My heart has always been fragile. There are things I cannot handle.
I tried to toughen up with pride and ego, but both are temporary and vain.
In reality I'm just a woman, frail and weak, and pain, is my constant companion....
In reality I'm only a woman... And I'm afraid you'll destroy me...
I'm afraid I won't have enough time to heal. I'm afraid that I'll end up needing you more than I do already... I'm afraid that you won't be able to love me more than you already do. I'm afraid that you'll realize I'm not enough... That I don't match up.
I'm afraid you'll find someone else while I am here, wanting to be with you. Feeling like you're happy that I'm not. "
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